fly-by pic and update post (ok not so fly-by, more like really long ;)

quick updates and some pics - i hear babies starting to stir from their morning nap on the monitor (this should be update #1 - they NAP NOW, with REGULARITY. freaking amazing :) well, at least for the moment they do - i know it could change any day which is part of what inspires wonder and awe at them doing it to begin with.)

we had their 6 month check-up monday, and D is doing perfect. she is now in the 25th %ile for weight and 48th (ish? can't remember exactly) for length. she's 15lb even, and 26". she does however have a peanut head ;) 3rd %ile with her little bean. hilarious. but she is healthy and happy and perfect, and that is such a beautiful thing to know.

M is not doing as great as we would like... this dairy thing appears to be much bigger than i initially thought. he has full-blown MSPI (milk soy protein intolerance) and if i eat so much as a saltine (which i have learned contains soybean oil like... most everything) he reacts by spitting up and/or having diarrhea :( it is so awful to see and makes me feel like i am poisoning him... i have so much guilt about not figuring this out sooner, and so much guilt whenever i make a mistake with what i'm eating (which is easy to do. there are very few things i can eat, and eating outside the house where i can't read labels is almost entirely impossible. example - the wendy's website shows allergen info which sounds great right?? except that they listed their chili as being soy and dairy free. well come to find out when searching ANOTHER area of their site, they list soybean oil as an ingred in said chili. um.... how is that soy-free you fucking idiots?? that is some dangerous shit to mess around with - what if someone had a throat-closing, drop-dead soy allergy?? anyway i ate the chili after reading the FIRST part of the site and the next day little man was spitting up and loose stooling and that is when i scoured the site further and found the culprit.)

anyway, sorry for the tangent, but sufficeit to say that this sweet kiddo can't digest even the tiniest amount of soy or milk protein. and in addition to that he has had a reaction to a couple of solid foods (probably because his little system is trying to get back on track and can't handle too much right now.) so we are mostly taking a break from solids for him and just nursing and of course i am as vigilant as possible with my diet. he is gaining weight again but not much. he has dropped down to the 7th %ile for weight at 15lb4oz, but is in the 58th for length at 27". (head is 25th %ile). he is a thin guy and i can feel his ribs when i pick him up... i hate that. i feel like i have failed him somehow and it kills me.

the dr however is not worried. he says that now that we know the problem and are addressing it he should be back on track fully within a month or two. he offered me some samples of some ridiculously expensive formula because he feels so bad about my diet, but first of all the diet is a non-issue. i mean as hard as it is there is just no question that of course i will do it in order to keep giving him the benefits and comfort of nursing. but even if i wanted to stop, i can't imagine trying to transition little M to formula... he won't even take a bottle of expressed breastmilk. i think it would be fairly traumatic at this point (for both of us). so i declined the samples and went home and ate a plain chicken breast lol ;) and of course i have to tell myself that if the pedi is not worried i should not worry either... but that's easier said than done of course.

(by the way please don't think i'm ignoring them waking up from their nap - they just both grunted a bit and went back to sleep. it could have gone either way there for a minute. ;)

other news... we are getting ready for our first halloween here and we had a costume photo shoot - here are some pics :) i made D's costume (little bo peep) and we bought M's (ok it's a lamb but we call it a sheep - is there a difference really??)

poor D was not loving her wig... :(

and here are some pumpkin patch pics :) we've been to...3? haha - i do love a p farm. M&D seem to love them too.

they are so amazing... they are SO interactive now, and sitting up like champs. i think little M is about to crawl any second (so scared for that - eek!) he gets up on hands and knees and rocks back and forth all the time. D has started to say mama (yeah i know she is just practicing her speech sounds and doesn't associate it with me yet but i still do love to hear it ;) and they are both just perfect little peanuts. there is nothing like this feeling... it really is worth every single moment of every single thing we went through to get here.

new carrier - nurslings (baby) hemp tai! LOOOOVE it!!

M lovin on some schweeeet potatoes

D horrified at the prospect of ingesting non-breastmilk foods, but giving it a go

two little yankee fans ready to see a world series victory! :)

oh and lastly, in me news - i have now had 8 toenail surgeries (no joke). i think (hope..? pray??) that is the end of it. they look a hot mess but at least i am not in pain any more. AND, i have newly embarked on a weight loss plan (like.. i started yesterday ;) i have decided that lest i sink deeper into self-loathing on the body image front, it is time. so hopefully soon i'll be posting some good weight loss updates. the plan is simple - count calories. exercise when and to the extent i can. i am on a 2600-3000 kcal a day plan b/c of BFing (adds about 1000 kcal to the daily requirement), so it's still a lot of food, but amazingly, far less than i was eating (yikes... i had to be around 4000+ a day ::hanging head in embarrassment::)

ok signing off - more to come soon and my next post will be answering those long-unanswered Qs i referred to last time! thanks for checking in!! :)